How to learn the art of self-love while facing false matrimonial case?

Fighting a false case filed by wives such as false 498A or false Domestic Violence case can be extremely emotionally and mentally draining. When a husband faces false matrimonial cases, he goes through a journey of self-doubt, frustration, fear, pain and confusion. Most men are so stressed from these cases that their mental health is affected and they suffer from anxiety and depression. The trauma of facing the police and judiciary is so agonising that some men even consider suicide. This is one of the many reasons that force 3 times more married men to commit suicide as compared to married women as per NCRB data. Moreover, these numbers are just getting worse every year!

Matrimonial false cases have a life cycle. Typically, the average time for the cases to be disposed of by the courts ranges from 3 to 5 years. Therefore, it is important to realise that these problems are complex and do not resolve overnight. Legal victories take time. One has to stay motivated for a very long period of time to get success in court. We do not say there won’t be any period of feeling low. Naturally, there are good days and bad days in life. But, overall, one needs to be highly motivated and needs to have a positive outlook towards life to win cases. One needs to learn self-love for the desired outcome in false cases.

Here are some tips to learn the art of self-love which will eventually help to build a strong and right mindset to gain victories in legal battles against one wife:

Forgive yourself: Most husbands are harassed not because they suffer at the mercy of the judiciary but because they have to see their old parents getting dragged into police and court machinery. When this happens, they start to repent their decision to get married to their wives and curse themselves for taking such bad decisions. The guilt of realising that their life is going nowhere and everyone around them seems happy leads to depression. This feeling slowly takes away self-pride and the husband considers himself useless and looser in life. It is important to avoid this guilt trip as guilt weakens the soul. No matter how much you repent, the past is not going to change. Life has forward momentum. Hence, husbands need to look ahead to what life has to offer to them instead of spending time imagining how they could have avoided the mistakes in the past. Thinking about the past is painful whereas thinking about the present and future opens up to multiple possibilities. To be able to do that, husbands need to forgive themselves for their past mistakes. Only when they forgive themselves, they will be forgiven by their parents and the people they love.

Consider your achievements: One of the most powerful ways to forgive yourself is to consider the achievements you have made in life till now. What you are accomplishing as a fighter against false cases is far bigger than you can think. You are refusing to surrender to the pressures of legal extortion and choosing to prove your innocence. That itself is a great achievement. Success is never perfect. It is shabby and filled with rejections. Currently, this may be the phase of rejection but you are on the path to success. The famous quote of Thomas Edison says “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work”. Whatever struggles you are facing right now, you will realize later that it was totally worth it. You are on the path to becoming a better and wiser version of yourself and people will love to have you in their company.

Practice detachment: This is especially important to fathers who are alienated from their children. Fathers very well realise that their wife could use their children to take out a personal vendetta against them. Due to gender-biased laws, the wife gets the children after separation and the husband is left with nothing but memories of his children and strong desires to see and meet them. However, the very attachment to their children can make husbands weak if they are emotionally too much invested in them. Custody battles are like tug of war where children are at the centre of the dispute. Most fathers decide to leave their children with their mothers for their well-being in custody battles. This makes husbands lose focus on other battles as the thoughts of children dilute their aggression and eventually give a subdued advantage to wives. Sometimes, wives use children to arm-twist their husbands in divorce negotiations and bargaining. Hence, husbands should really consider emotionally detaching their children. However, it is easier said than done. But the fact of the matter is that if husbands continue to perform their duties towards their children without being emotionally invested, they can think more rationally and what is right for the bigger battle. Sometimes, it is a matter of time before when the child realizes the toxic nature of a mother or the incompleteness of a father and willingly reunites with the father. Till that time, it is essential to practice emotional detachment from children. Even if husbands have no children, they can practice emotional detachment from their cases to think rationally.

Accept your vulnerabilities: It would be a cliché to say that no one is perfect. We all have our own flaws and imperfections. This is what makes it normal and human. Not all the decisions we have made in the past have turned out to be the best decisions of our life. However, our bad choices have taught us the most. Deep within we all are insecure and scared. This is what makes us real. Yet, we always hide this face of ours from the world. Even successful people are facing the same emotions as us without letting anyone know. The moment you start to accept this side of yours, you will take efforts to conquer it. For example, if you accept that you are afraid of the outcome of your false case or you are anxious about your court dates, you will consider joining support groups such as Nyay Prayaas Foundation to learn the laws and gather the courage to not only fight your own case but also the gender-biased laws prevailing in our society. So accept your imperfections and vulnerabilities and take efforts to change what’s necessary.

Set your own benchmarks: For a very large part of our lives, we live according to the norms of society. We live to please the people around us. This has been the single factor influencing our life decisions. We take up the education which is accepted in our society. We marry or become fathers at a certain age which is accepted in our society. However, these society members have a very limited understanding of the complexity of the matrimonial problems you are facing. Only the person who has been on the same path as yours may guide your way further. Most husbands who are facing false case think their life has gone back some years or are eager to finish their cases because they think time is precious. Here is food for thought. Getting re-married at a later stage of life or fathering a child at a later stage of life is not wrong. It’s just unconventional. Similarly, you may do a lot of unconventional things in life which may not be the perfect norm as per society’s standards. Be open to living an unconventional life. It may be a good idea to set your own benchmarks in life. Don’t go by society’s standards and norms. Set your own yardsticks for happiness and live your life to please yourself.

It may appear to you that your life is a mess currently. But you cannot be stuck here or stop living. Do we really stop eating when we have one bad meal experience? Do we really stop travelling if we have one accident? Then why should we stop living a fulfilling and happy life because of one bad marriage decision? God has given us this precious life to experience different things in life that give us an abundance of everything. Presently, this is the time you love yourself as much as you have loved any other person. Invest in yourself. Pamper yourself. And suddenly you will realise that life is beautiful and your false cases are just a small portion of life, not your entire life.

If you feel anxious or depressed about your false cases, do join Nyay Prayaas Foundation and you will connect with victims like yourself who are living a happy life to learn from them.

If you wish to learn more about the laws of different IPC sections or roles and powers of police, you may get in touch with us via our all-India helpline at +91 9811550662.

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